This is a strange world right now isn’t it?!
I felt I needed to write a post to let out my feelings but also connect with you all.
It’s such a wave of emotions and feelings. Some days I love the quiet and other days I miss the hustle and bustle.
What I love - I love having time…. I don’t even know the actual time most days, or even what day it is. I’ve barely said “in a minute” or “maybe later”, “I’m too busy” or “I’m trying to work.
I’m loving being able to cook all the recipes I have saved and never look at, being able to spend time as a family without guilt or feeling rushed.
I absolutely love the weather we are having and that we can enjoy it without the feeling of putting off something more important or constant emails flooding in to make me feel I should be working instead.
I just love the calm and the moments I would otherwise never have right now.
I bought a bike - I can hear you all laughing! I never exercise really, firstly is because of time and secondly is because of my rheumatoid arthritis, quite often I’m too sore and tired but right now not moving would be a worse situation for me so I’m trying my best to walk or cycle daily and keep my body moving so work isn’t as hard on my return. It’s also really good for my mind, I don’t feel as trapped and sometimes we need a release from the kids etc, let’s be honest here!
Below is some of my favourite moments so far….. you may notice food and drink rate highly haha!
Now for the bad…. what I miss, what I hate, what is hard and what is sad… this could be long!
Obviously first off, I miss my family, I miss my friends and I miss my normal. We are a sociable, outgoing, always planning and always hosting family. I’m missing all the moments with all our favourite people.
My dad will visit frequently, more than once a week for dinner, to hang out, help with the kids etc, he even has “his” chair, and it’s sat empty for weeks, other than the odd cat or some washing waiting to be put away, it’s sad. I can’t wait to see it filled once again and have a big hug.
I really miss my friends, we are always planning the next breakfast, lunch or pub gathering, our local better watch out once those doors reopen again!
The worst part this week has been the birth of a best friends baby, usually I would rush to the hospital, take photos, have cuddles and love all over them, all I could do was cry, on and off for hours. I feel like it’s a loss, loss of memories, moments and people I love. I can’t wait to sniff her, snuggle her and give my friend the biggest hug.
I also hate not working, it’s not just a job, it’s a dream. I worked for 10 years to build up to where I was and this year was set to be my biggest yet. I miss all the adorable newborns, the cute sitters, the hilarious cake smashes, the fun families and the crazy busy hype of weddings. All the memories and moments not captured and lost forever. I want to know when it will be ok to return, when it will be safe and when I can just be me again, the not knowing is the hardest on all of us right?
Then comes the financial stress of it all, when will the money run out? No more is coming in, I don’t rent premises so I don’t get a grant, I should get help in June, but that’s so far away and what help will it even be?
So many weddings have cancelled or postponed, dreams of theirs and of mine to capture their day, gone. It’s just the hardest time in so many ways but work is the worst.
I hate focusing on the negatives so I am going to leave it there and share some lovely moments from the start of the year at work and hope we can be back to creating these really soon!
We all just need to make the most of this time, cherish the moments, the memories and look to the future to when better times will come. I miss you all and really can’t wait to be back doing what I love…..
What are you loving? Hating? And what is helping you in lockdown?
Stay safe everyone!